As my husband and I have been wending our way through this lingering condition of U-238 uranium and tungsten poisoning, the number and strength of medications has been increasing. Last week we had the worst thing happen to us that could – our prescriptions for the month were way-laid for 1 full week.
I’ll skip the details on how the medication shipment got delayed, but suffice it to say, last week we went through detoxification (obviously un-planned and not controlled). Detoxification of our systems for seven days had us literally physically jerking every limb day and night, throwing up, and all the basic ingredients that every addict fears the most.
Because the poisoning that we have is so heavy (trust me: uranium is the heaviest heavy metal out there), no cure is available. Chelation won’t touch this poison. Surgery won’t work – unless we wanted to have every single organ in our body transplanted (I understand this has been done before, but the chances of survival are about 3%-we think those are lousy odds).
So, today we drink tincture of opium, take about 4 different pain pills, and add in valium….oh, almost forgot: I use a 100 mg morphine patch too.
Going cold turkey: Let me assure you that it’s an experience that is uniquely wicked. And, I don’t mean “wicked good.” Your entire body including all hair folicles and fingernails hurts like hell. You vomit constantly, and then you lose everything out the other end too. During detoxification your skin goes from clammy warm to freezing goosebumps alternating every 10 minutes or so. You cannot sleep, and you long for death.
I found myself dropped to the floor on my knees praying, “Oh God, just kill me now and get this over with.”
Well, since you’re reading this blog, you know that He didn’t provide that option to me as an answer 🙂 Both of us made it through 7 long days without our medications. I’m pleased to have a bit more time inspite of how I felt all week.
Bottom line for us is that although we wish we didn’t have to take drugs, we must if we want to continue living. If we stop, we will be stopped . . . permanently.
I am completely amazed at how much humans desire to live! We fight for our lives even when we know that the final conclusion will be death. No matter how jaded, cynical, angry, or pessimistic we may be: Life Is Important.
There are other important issues: Quality of life and finding a dignity as we die. Unfortunately in the United States of America and most all countries, the dying are not provided a dignifed, comfortable, and painless way to die. Suicide for terminally ill patients is unlawful (except Oregon – and there are so many restrictions there, that I would advise you not to pack your bags and get right over there…).
Richard and I have gone full circle on the subject of the right to die. We firmly believe the laws must be changed to protect people such as ourselves. We should have a say over our bodies and life. We must. Because by not having a right to say when and how I will die from a debilitating condition, the government basically OWNS me.
There are a few exceptional events in our life where I don’t want the government involved, and the right to die is one.
Going back to being without our medicines for one week for a moment of reflection: It was hell. But, I found that I have an incredibly strong desire to stay alive through it all. We humans can take a lot of battering and pain for just one deep breath of air.