Saturday Morning Musings…
Curiosity and interest. Most of us desire to see things not previously seen – do something we haven’t done before-experience something new.
Life is filled with exceptional experiences. Unfortunately as time has gone by, we get jaded…curiosity is replaced with exhaustion, interest is replaced with disappointment.
I’ve learned that so many, many psychological things happen to us when facing a serious illness. Even worse, I’ve discovered a lethargy that I never expected. (Albeit, much of that lethargy can be attributed to the poisoning and the many medications that we have been taking for the past few years.)
Regardless, if we have a serious, deadly, or chronic disease, we do become different. Our minds and emotions change – often because of the drugs taken that are necessary to keep us alive and breathing. And, yes the pain of the disease or condition that we carry with us every day.
“Better living through chemistry.” REALLY?
Each day we take our pills and liquid tincture of opium. And, each day we feel the effects of the disease as it moves through our bodies…pushing and pulling…every day wishing to have a happier frame of mind.
I’d love to wish upon a falling star and have that wish come true!
Falling Stars Come in All Sorts of Shapes!
According to some writers who are care keepers or hospice helpers for dying patients believe that as you prepare to die, patients usually conduct a ‘Life Review.’ I believe that to be true. If you aren’t hit by a Mack truck and die instantly, but instead face a lingering and painful process of dying…you sift through the past events in your life and evaluate yourself, others, and your life experiences.
It just makes sense to review the past. I know that I have spent a lot of time going over my past, asking some important questions of myself, “did I do the right thing?,” “did I treat people with respect?,” “did I give 100%?,” “did I act in an honorable way through my life?” Those are just a few questions I have to ask myself.
Many nights I awaken with fear and feelings of helplessness. I hear that’s also to be expected. I would like to spend more time in the happiness zone. Being a worry-wart isn’t going to help me at all.
Dying was never on my Top Ten of Desires. In fact, thinking about it, I believe that I devoted less than 1% of my waking hours in thinking about death until we discovered that we have radiation (U-238 and tungsten poisoning).
I was busy wishing on falling stars and grabbing those beautiful stars with both hands for over 50 years.
How blessed I have been . . . I have beat back death on several occasions and have had a life filled with travel, love of a caring man, and more “stuff” than I ever needed. At the end of the day I value the love of family and friends more than anything. The junk that I collected through the years is almost gone (good riddance!).
The one major concern I have as “ye ole’ grim reaper” approaches: I have lost my curiosity and interest. I don’t crochet, am a crummy “craft person,” and just can’t figure out how to rejuvenate my curiosity and interest.
Got any ideas? I’d be pleased to entertain any concepts.
Much love and friendship to those whom I know and am very grateful. Without friends and family, our lives would be quite different. (Perhaps sometimes they could try creating a little less stress – but they usually mean the best – right!)
Love – Patti – on a good day!