It’s difficult to come to a point in your life where you encounter a limitation. Even one limitation or a “Uh oh…I can’t do that,” is a very real disappointment to me. The past 3 years have proved to us that we have those “I am unable to do that bla bla bla…” And, it’s disheartening to say the least, particularly if you’ve been a Type A person all your life!
Richard and I have met our match on some things in this process of life and dying, and we’re not too darned happy about it at all. This past weekend we traveled a lot of miles to a customer’s site to do work that involved both of us and our skill-sets. (At least what USED TO BE our skill-sets). We managed about 2 hours of honest to God work before we both collapsed in a heap in our hotel room. We passed the baton on to our capable employees, and had a heart to heart talk about limitations.
Interesting, but a good friend sent a book to us called God’s Promises for your every needs…I opened this little book up and it just opened straight to a section “What to do when you have a physical sickness” – page 156. I’ve never considered myself “religious” but these days, I’d say “spiritual” might be a fair description of how I’m feeling. I gotta tell you, when the book fell open to that page, my jaw dropped.
It is post-game time. We’re not in charge of this game of life. We have just been bit-players. And here are the questions we asked ourselves last Tuesday as we faced up to the facts of our lives and deaths: Have we talked straight? Did we demonstrate respect? Create transparency? Have we righted wrongs? Have we shown loyalty to those who deserve? Did we deliver results and get better at it? Are we confronting reality? Do we clarify expectations? Have we practiced accountability? Did we listen first? Have we kept our commitments? Did we extend trust?
Answer: Probably not always. But, once we put it out there to reflect upon, maybe we’ll do better at it. Wanna’ bet?! We only have a little bit of time on earth to do these things – and yes, I think that it can be accomplished. Sometimes we just need to listen to that little guy that sits on our shoulder that we have ignored in the past.
There’s nothing fun about the process of dying. But, I’m personally grateful for the time to reflect a bit on the past, remember beauty that I’ve experienced, love that I have been bestowed, and appreciate the opportunity to face myself and express my love to those in my life who I truly love.
It appears that last week Richard had a couple of “mini” strokes. I realized it fairly clearly on Wednesday morning when we awoke and his right eye was drooping, he was talking out of the left side of his mouth, he has no strength in his right arm and hand, and leg. He’s keeping his senses about him and we aren’t panicking, but we see the writing on the wall ever so much clearly now. It’s easy to be frightened. But it’s also easy to say, “I love you, and I’m with you – no matter what.”